This blog post is intended as a note to myself... a reminder to come back to as needed. If you came to see a card... then scroll on down... I posted a new one. If you continue to read... it may get lengthy! And... if you are not a card maker ... this is really of no interest to you and you wouldn't understand. Even if you are a card maker... this is probably of no interest to you!
I started this blog... not really knowing what to expect! I loved making cards! I have always felt like a 'crafty' person but didn't really know how to express myself! I jumped in with two feet and hit the ground running!
What I have found, as a blog keeper for almost a year... and a full blown card maker for over a year, is that what brings me the most joy is something that I never expected. It is all of the wonderful and encouraging friends that I have made. That is the joy that still continues to touch my heart on a daily basis.
I have also found, since starting this blog and submitting cards for publication, that I am in constant turmoil over finding the time to do it all... finding the energy to do it all... and trying to keep things in perspective as far as what is most important.
I stink at all of it! It is time that I accept that! :)
Lately, I have been working on ways to make it all work... by trying to eliminate some things that I don't 'have' to do!
I had a 'revelation', so to speak, tonight! And it feels good! I don't 'have' to do any of it!
I think God finally got through my thick skull and said... "Let it go!" "Duh!".
I stay up late EVERY night and let my health and appearance go most of the time because I am so tired. I spend time making things for submissions that I don't even want to be making for the sake of having a card published in a magazine. Since I am so tired... it affects my mood thus affecting everyone around me... mainly affecting how much patience I have and my energy level. I don't work on things that I want to be doing like scrapbooking our family pictures/memories. And... that is what I should be spending my craft time doing! That is what Carver is going to have to look back at and what he is going to care most about. Not a few cards in a few magazines!
Okay... Carver may never care about it but maybe his wife and kids will one day! :)
The 'competition' of the whole challenge and publication thing brings out the worst in me. Yes... sometimes jealousy. Mainly though... it makes me feel bad about myself when I am 'rejected'! It takes me a week to recover from those feelings! So... why do I continue to do it?
I spend too much time, money, energy, and thoughts on something that doesn't even bring me the most joy. Shame on me for being so 'consumed' for so long. It is time to get back to what brings me the most joy... Being a GREAT mother and wife... not just a good one on a good day! Crafting for me... when I have time... and making whatever makes me happy!
Will I still submit? Maybe... if I can get to the place that I can submit if I have something that fits the call and not worry about it if I don't! I hope to get to that point!
Will I still participate in challenges... don't know yet. Maybe on occasion!
Will I continue to create and blog... of course!
Now... if you are reading this.... anyone out there in blogland... you may think this is silly and why did she post this.
Well... this blog is my journal ... this was my intent when I started it. I am just documenting the journey that I have been on since I started blogging!
And... I am practicing what I have 'preached' before about sharing your feelings... no matter how silly... because you never know who may need to hear it.
If you don't have any of these 'issues' that I have then great.... don't take offense thinking I am saying you are as messed up as me! :)
This is my post that I will come back to and read when I am feeling the pressure/drive to submit submit submit! This is my reminder to let it go and focus on what is most important at this point in my life... and it is not me... it isn't about me... it never will be!
I have to face the fact that I am not the type of person who can do it all! And.... this is okay!
You can do it Kelley... I know you can! :) Let it go!! You can be a gray area kind of gal... it doesn't always have to be black or white... all or nothing!