Wow.... where to start! I have lots of thoughts floating around in my head! That is usually not a good thing! :) Feel free to move on to another blog if you don't want to read a book!
Ever since I started blogging, blog hopping, card making, submitting to magazines for publication, etc.. I have struggled to find a good balance of time and energy! I have been doing this for over a year. Never once (before this last month) have I considered not doing any of it at all!
This past month, however, the thought has crossed my mind more than once! This is all bittersweet! I have found a hobby that I am passionate about. I enjoy submitting for publication and being 'recognized' for doing something that I love. Making a little extra cash/earning free product doesn't hurt either! I have met some wonderful friends that I hope to remain friends with for many more years!
On the other hand... I am tired all of the time! I stay up too late! I feel guilty all the time for either ignoring my 'real' world or ignoring my blog world! I get tired of hearing myself apologize all the time! And I am sure many of you do as well! That is just how I am... I would say "sorry" if I wasn't tired of hearing myself apologize! :) ha!
So... what is a girl to do? I am officially letting myself off the hook from feeling like I have to blog everyday. More than likely... I still will... most days anyway! I am letting myself off the hook from feeling like I always have to post cards! I am letting myself off the hook to feel like I have to blog hop and comment all the time! This last one is going to be the hardest!
See... I do enjoy visiting my friends and I find inspiration from somewhere every time that I do visit! But... I have been MIA for the most part from blog hopping for over a month! I have spent probably 5 or 6 hours in the past two days getting caught up with everyone! Please don't hear the wrong thing... I wanted to do it... I have been gone too long. However... the past two days... I have not made one thing, went on a little shopping spree from all the inspiration that I have seen (never a good thing), and I am up late again! :)
I have been working on changing some things in my life and I have changed several over the past little bit. This is apparently another change that I need to make!
For the past year, I have spent just about every single night in this craft room... crafting and blogging and blog hopping. I feel guilty that I don't spend any time with my husband. After Carver is in the bed, I go to my craft room and Michael goes upstairs! Michael doesn't complain at all... you see... he can't! I love my husband but he will be the first to admit... he has done the same thing to me for years. I think this past year has given him a little better understanding of the things I use to complain to/at him about. I think it is time for both of us to start better habits and spend more of the few hours we have together... together! It has been a good thing though as far as ... for lack of better terminology.... giving Michael a taste of his own medicine. He doesn't like it! :)
I feel guilty for being so tired during the day (from lack of sleep) that I don't feel like playing with Carver. I do play with him but most of the time... I don't want to! I am too tired and just don't want to. I don't think this will change completely with more and more consistent sleep but I am hoping that it will at least help. I am not really the sit and play type person but... I want to be!
Things have changed drastically for me this past year... in all areas of my life. Carver is growing up way too fast and it makes me sad. I don't want to spend the last few years of being a stay at home mom as a tired stay at home mom whose mind is elsewhere all the time!
I am working on getting my home in order as far as cleaning out and eventually cleaning it. This has been more difficult since I took Carver out of school. I am trying to do better about asking for babysitters so that I can get some things around here done. I feel bad to ask for babysitting from grandparents because they work and have things they need to do as well! But... like I said... I am working on it!
I have quit going to my parents every week for lunch! This is HUGE for me! Michael and I have been together for almost 14 years (12 married) and we have gone to my parents on Sunday .... every Sunday... all of those years! I love my family and I so appreciate my mom wanting to have us over every Sunday! However... Sunday's are long and exhausting for our household so this has been a wonderful change. I want to see my family on a regular basis... I love my family. It just doesn't have to be on Sundays! One Sunday a month with my family... one Sunday a month with Michaels family... 2 or 3 Sundays a month... just coming home or being free to go eat with church family!
I have decided to not teach 4 year olds in Sunday School next year and I am excited and relieved about that. I will be helping with the high school instead and this will be a nice ... more relaxing change!
I have just decided to let a lot of worries go... worries that other women/people don't seem to worry about (in my opinion anyway). I am trying to desperately live my life and live it the way that God would have me to first and foremost but also in a way that we want to live and make memories that we want to make. Without worrying so much what will or won't hurt others feelings. I don't want to become insensitive in any way. I just want to find a happy medium. I don't want to live my life based on what I feel others expect from me, etc. Things are different now! I am a mother and I have my son to think about and I want to make sure that I make the most of the time that I have with him.
Wow... I am really rambling! :) Appropriately titled post... for sure!
Sometimes I think I am crazy... other times... I think a lot of other women struggle with the same things.
I am just determined to 'get it together'... whatever 'it' may be... before it is too late and my son is grown and I have a lot of regrets!
I want to lose weight! I want to be able to keep my house in some sort of order... once we get it there in the first place. I want to be a good mom who is well rested and easy going and pleasant to be around. I want to be a good wife who again... is pleasant to be around. If I don't sleep... I am not always pleasant! :)
I want to scrapbook! I want to get in some sort of routine of teaching with Carver. Homeschooling is not ruled out so far with us. I have said from the get go... God will have to do a major work on me if that is what we feel He wants us to do. Maybe that is what is going on now... maybe God is preparing me to be more disciplined so that when Carver starts school... I will be ready to home school. Maybe not! Who knows!?!?
So.... after all this rambling... what is my point?
My point is... I love you all (my friends) and I so appreciate your friendships, comments, etc! At this point... I don't want to quit blogging and I am not going to. I don't want to quit blog hopping and... I am not going to. What I am going to do is quit commenting so much! I will still visit and comment from time to time. Because of who I am and how I work... this post was meant to be one last apology from me! :) I am sorry if I don't comment a lot from here on out. I will still visit you... maybe not as often as I did before this last month... but I will visit you. If you are on my blog list... I will visit you!
If you are offended in anyway at my lack of commenting (I have felt that before so I know that it does happen)... I am truly sorry! You have my permission to quit visiting me and/or to quit commenting on my posts! : ) ha... like you need my permission but.... you know what I am saying!
Who knows... I have gone through so many different phases/emotions this past year while I have been trying to figure this whole thing out... in a month or two... after the house is officially 'in order'... I may be back at it full force. I doubt it but... I am not saying that it won't happen. I am saying that this is my new strategy... we will see how it works out!
Sorry for the long rambling post. If you stuck it out and read this whole thing... bless your heart! :) And... Thanks! :)
I get tired of hearing my own ramblings and I am sorry to put you through another one!
One of the many things that I am working on is to quit feeling the need to explain myself all the time. This post doesn't prove that I have made any progress, does it? :) I have but... I take it one battle at a time! I just had to explain because I do cherish the friendships that I have made here in blogland and I want you all to understand. You may still be offended but... hopefully... you will at least understand a little better!
And... if you haven't already figured this out about me... I like to share my feelings! Always have... probably always will. Another thing I am working on! :) Sometimes it is okay to just keep it in. However... God didn't make me that way! I seriously can't help it! Wish I could!
Oh... and one more thing... if you comment on this post... no need to tell me not to worry about it, etc. You can if you want. I know most of you might care less about this 'huge' decision that I have made! :) However... it is a big deal to me and I just needed to ramble about it!
Peace and Love!
