Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I love this boy! This picture was taken at Alex's ballgame the other night. Carver's Papa bought him a ring pop. As you can see, Carver thoroughly enjoyed it.
I haven't felt real well today. Carver went to school and I managed to do a half decent job of cleaning the house while he was gone. I haven't felt horrible... just tired and a little upset stomach. I haven't even been in one of those crabby moods but I lost my temper tonight with this sweet boy. I hate so much when I do that! I pray and pray to be a good mommy and that I won't lose my cool with him. I didn't spank him when I lost my cool, I yelled at him.
Carver likes to play with his food. Tonight, I gave him his favorite treat of applesauce at dinner. Carver ate a lot of it, but by the time I realized what he was doing, he had taken some of it and spread it all over the table. Ok... not such a big deal. What caught my attention was him dipping his spoon in his bowl and slinging it all over the kitchen floor. I immediately lost it. I deal with this every day and I have since he was old enough to feed himself. This is about the only thing that really causes me to lose it. I feel like I am constantly on my hands and knees trying to clean the floor. I can't seem to make him understand that this is not acceptable.
I cleaned the floor and then gave him a bath. By the time bath time was over, I had cooled down. I had to ask Carver to forgive me and told him that I was sorry for yelling at him. I told him that I was wrong to yell at him. Of course, he forgave me. I hate losing my cool with him. I see, almost everyday, a family who is dealing with the reality of having a really sick child or who faces the challenges of having a special needs child. I feel so silly, in times like these, for losing my cool over applesauce on the floor. I am so thankful for my son and that he is happy and healthy. One day I will wish he was here throwing food on my floor. I know he will grow up so quickly.
He is a blessing from God that I so don't deserve.
I am so thankful for my God and my son who are so willing to forgive me when I have let them down!