I know God's timing is perfect BUT... there shouldn't be a BUT!
I was worried, before I got pregnant with Carver, that I wasn't going to be able to have children. It wasn't as easy for me as it was for a lot of people. I knew then that God's timing is perfect but it was still hard for me to believe I would have a child. I guess I didn't know how God could give me such a blessing when I didn't deserve one. I just knew that this was going to be my 'punishment' for all of the things I had done wrong in my life.
Then I was blessed with this beautiful little boy!
Now I have been worried about having a second child. I want another baby and I want Carver to have a sibling. Michael and I tried for a while when Carver was about a year old and we didn't have much luck. TMI alert.... I had to take some medicine to help get pregnant with Carver and I was taking it again, way longer than it took me to get pregnant the first time, but didn't get pregnant. So... we decided to give it a rest for a while and just enjoy the blessing we had been given.
Well... today it hit me again that I shouldn't be worrying about this anymore (because I always do)! God's timing was perfect the first time and it will be again or it won't be and that will be fine too! I have had to admit to myself these past few weeks that I really couldn't handle a second child right now. To me that meant admitting that I wasn't the 'perfect mom'... the one who does it all and with a smile on her face. The mother who gets up at 5am to get ready, cook her family breakfast, spend all day with her children, keep her house spotless, cook dinner for the family, and still be in a good mood by bedtime! :-) Now some days I feel like I can do this... others... not so much! I love being a SAHM more than anything I have ever done in my life. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else! I love being able to spend all day with my son.
However.... these days... my son has been more difficult than he has ever been!! Carver talks back (already) and says "stop it" all day long. Carver throws fits in stores and doesn't listen to a word I say! We spank, we do time out, and nothing is working well for me lately. I think I haven't been consistent enough because I just feel guilty. I feel like I am getting on to him non-stop and I don't like getting on to him all day long. I read blogs or see news stories of all these mothers who have lost children or who have sick children. I just feel so grateful for having a healthy son and guilty for wanting to send him to stay with someone else for a while. :-) I think about if something were to happen to him, how I would be sooooo upset with myself for getting on to him so much.
Tomorrow is going to be a different day! I am going to get back to being more consistent and getting rid of this new attitude of his! I have a responsibility as his mother, to teach him right from wrong and to teach him how to be respectful to his parents and others. I am going to go back to the focused mother I once was and get my son back! I am going to stop worrying about what could happen and focus on what is going on right now!
I am also going to quit worrying about a second child because... I can't handle another child right now! My son is needing all of my love and attention and there isn't enough to go around!
If you have read this... Thank you for listening! :-) I just needed to talk about it!
Unfortunately, I didn't get any just great shots at any of our Father's Day festivities! I got some okay shots but none that I just really wanted to post. My sister-in-law, Brandy, took a good shot of myself, my brothers, and our dad BUT I look like a fat cow so... not posting that one! I really need to do something about that!
Anyway... I did get these cute shots of Carver on Sunday morning before church. I wanted to take a picture of him in his little outfit. I haven't put a one piece outfit on him in about a year or so. When I saw this little outfit at Gymboree (on sale), I had to get it. I thought it would probably be my last chance to dress him in a one piece outfit before he gets too big.
It has a little frog on it but you can't see it for his hands!
The bottom picture is Carver picking flowers out of the yard on our walk to the car. Carver can't resist picking those weeds! :-)
By the way.... I blogged like 5 0r 6 posts over the weekend... if you missed any of them... scroll on down!
My sweet Carver... you are so blessed to have such a wonderful father to call daddy! Your daddy loves you with all of his heart and has since the moment you were born. Your daddy is a Godly man who has spent his life telling others about Jesus. Your daddy plays with you and prays for you. Your daddy loves your mommy and allows mommy to stay home with you every day. Your daddy is slow to anger and always respectful in what he says.
Your daddy will show you the world and at the same time, teach you how to be above worldly things. Your daddy will protect you from the world by teaching you right from wrong. Your daddy will show you the beauty of God's creations and how to be thankful for whatever you have... every day! Your daddy will allow you to grow up and become your own man. Your daddy will pray for you, along the way, that you will make good choices in life. Your daddy will always be proud of you and love you no matter what!
Since Michael has to be at church early tomorrow morning (like usual), we gave him his Father's Day presents a little early. That means that I get to go ahead and post his card tonight since he has it in his possession already!
Here is a close-up of the sentiment. I stamped it under the vellum so it was hard to see in the picture without putting pressure on the vellum.
This was Carver's other favorite part of the night. During our last trip to the mall, Carver and I stopped to see this hippo outside of The Rainforest Cafe. When we had to leave, he cried because he wanted to go back and see the hippo. I finally had to tell him that the hippo was sleeping and that seemed to do the trick.
Carver was happy to get to see his friend again tonight. Carver asked if he could give the hippo a kiss. He is so sweet (sometimes) !! Ha..
This picture is a little blurry, but between all the other kids coming over to see the hippo, I was only able to snap two shots in the five minutes we sat there. Oh well... you get the idea.
Onto the random stuff....
This is something I got at one of my favorite antique shops the other day. I got it for 10 bucks. I thought it was like one of those chip stands... you know where the chips clip on to it. I think that is what it is but when I was checking out, the woman wrote on a piece of paper that she sold the card holder. I thought that was funny since that is what I will be using it for. Maybe not cards, but other crafty goods. I am going to use it at the craft fairs this fall to hold packs of tags or something like that. Then I will start using it in my craft room to hang my favorite stickers, thickers, embellishments, etc. I just love it....!!
These are some pics of an approaching storm. We have had a lot of stormy weather lately and it has been so hot the past few days! I love storms! I don't know why. They scare me and I don't want anyone to get hurt or to lose their home. I guess I am just weird!
The last picture I want to share is of my sweet little boy sleeping in his big boy bed. I took this picture this past Sunday. I was trying to wake Carver up so we could get ready to head back to church and he DID NOT want to get out of bed. I thought it would be a good time to take a few shots of him sleeping!
